Dysfunctional and Blessed Thanksgiving

 

Thanksgiving is a time for families.  That can be good or difficult, depending on the situation.  When I was working as a law enforcement chaplain, I often saw families at their worst, especially during the holidays.  The Norman Rockwell painting of the family gathered around the Thanksgiving table doesn’t fit for all Americans.  We want to think it applies.  

I have been watching a series called, “The Secret History of Family,” produced by the BBC.  The episodes are based on three young women sisters who grew up in East London in the 1800’s.  It is not a nice place.  You wouldn’t want to rent a B&B there.  They live in poverty and all end up spending time in prison for their imaginative ways of making money that happen to be illegal.  

The story is a look back from the perspective of their decedents.  Some ended up well-to-do and others much dysfunction and estrangement.  It is a journey into story as one views each episode and realizes how knowing one’s story can bring understanding and healing.

My family has a long and short story in America.  My grandfather on my mother’s side, came to the U.S. in the late 1800’s.  My mother’s other side were Pilgrims who came on the Mayflower in 1620.  My father’s family came from before the American Revolution.  At least one was a Patriot who fought in the Revolution and his son in the War of 1812.  So I guess you could say they had plenty of  time to mess up!

What is your story as you gather around the table this Thanksgiving?  Mine includes estrangement, addiction, betrayal, chronic illness, along with other challenges.  It is also mixed with love, blessings, and hope.

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday.  No gifts or expectation of gifts are needed.  It is simply time for families to gather and be thankful.  If it becomes a gripe session or political wrestling match, that isn’t being thankful.  Let’s put all of that aside and breathe a sigh of thanksgiving.

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What are you thankful for and why?  Please share with us all by clicking on the pencil icon below to reply.  We look forward to hearing what you have to say.

CAR CONNECTIONS

 I have driven different types of cars over the years.  Most of my cars were either given to me, or I bought used.  Used cars come with a certain activity we call “repair.”  

My Dad was old enough to have learned to drive in a Model T Ford, most likely the one with a crank start.  He didn’t keep up with the times.  When my wife and I were first married, we drove a car her father gave us as a wedding present.  When my dad got into it, he exclaimed, “With all of these knobs and contraptions, how can you make this thing go!”  Trust me, it was a standard model from the 1960s or ‘70s.  By the old standards, the cars of today look like the control panels in a rocket ship!

My Dad was a Rambler car man.  His first Rambler was a 1960 American.  I never understood his fascination with them.  Our air conditioning was a 4-40 (4 windows down while going 40 miles per hour.) When it was time for Dad to buy me a car, you guessed it…a Rambler.  We pulled up the front of the seller’s place, he said, “Now that’s the car for you!”  I knew I was going to get stuck with it, but I had no choice…he was buying.  It was a stick shift on the column station wagon.  Later, I bought my car, a Chevy Belair.  I was moving up in the world.

My older brother, Dave, was the mechanic in the family.  I never bothered to learn to work on cars, I had him around until I headed off for college and seminary.  It was time to learn something about car repair.  This was pre-YouTube, so I had to rely on a printed repair manual.  I think my first adventure was replacing brake pads and shoes.  With the mission accomplished, I had fellow students saying, “Hey, I hear you work on cars.”  “Sort of” I replied.  I was willing to take a stab at other repairs, under the condition they bought a repair manual and any tool I needed to get the job done.  That is how my tool inventory began.  Fifty years later, I’m still helping others with repairs.  I recently worked on a car belonging to my friend from Tanzania, Africa.  

Cars seem to take on the characteristics of their owners like couples who grow old and start to look like each other.  I guess you can tell a lot about a person by seeing how they decorate and treat their automobiles.  We also associate certain vehicles with people we know.  Before they get close, I know who is coming.  Sometimes, I only know new neighbors by their vehicles.  Next door is “White Van.”

I see my friend, Dean, every few years.  Out of the blue, he wants to go to breakfast.  Last week he picked me up.  I wasn’t sure what vehicle he was driving.  He sent me a text, “I’ll be there in a few.  Wear a jacket.”  While I was standing outside waiting, I saw this nice, new black pickup as it turned the corner.  He looked like he was going to pull over.  I took one step forward and he continued.  Coming from the other direction was Dean, driving a blue shoe box on wheels, with no windows.  Hence, a need for a jacket.

Cars can be a gift of encouragement.  While living in Santa Monica, California, I served on a church staff.  I held a Bible study for employees of City Hall.  I started this with my friend, Jim.  Jim knew I didn’t make much money.  Perhaps he learned about the time I pulled up by City Hall.  While parking the car, it started to roll back.  Some officers came to my rescue.  I said, “Hold it,” while I reached under the seat to grab a brick and place it under a wheel.  I said, “Sorry.  My emergency brake doesn’t work, so I use this emergency brick.”  One of the officers replied, “Chaplain, you need a new car.”  I couldn’t agree more, and that is where my friend Jim comes in.  He asked me, “Are you taking a vacation this summer?”  I said, “Well, we are just going to stick close to home.  Maybe a day trip.”  The next week at Bible study, he handed me a check and said, “I had a used car I was going to sell and felt the Lord wanted you to have this to help you out.”  We had that vacation.

A lot of memories are created in cars.  As a family, we usually took a driving vacation each summer.  In doing so, we had some wonderful experiences of seeing many of the U.S. States.  Jim, my kid brother, and I had some great adventures.  

The most important things in life are experiences.  We didn’t have to have a lot of money for us neighborhood kids to ride with my dad on a fishing or camping adventure.

What memories do you associate with or without cars?  Consider sending them in so others can enjoy the good times with you.  Send an email to journeyintostory@google.com. 

 

Purpose With A Passion!

 I  sometimes regret not having learned a second language.  I had one Spanish class in college, but I didn't do very well.  Somehow I don't think being able to say "Hi, Ola" qualifies as a second language. I make up for it in other ways.  For example, I tell others that, "I'm by-lingual.  I speak English and Hoosier."  Many young people don't understand the term "Hoosier," but for those more enlightened of us, we know a Hoosier is a person from the State of Indiana.  You are probably surprised to know the reactions vary.  Yeah.

As a child of Indiana, I remember a certain woman named Phyllis.  It seemed her goal in life was to kick rocks off of the two-lane highway near us.  You could tell she was a professional.  When she saw a rock, she got that determined look on her face, briefly check the traffic...sometimes, and kicked that sucker off of the road.  She should have carried a cane with her so she could notch in every time she kicked a rock.  Imagine how many canes she would go through.

I never spoke to Phyllis.  She seemed a little odd and I wasn't brave enough to make an attempt.  Was, or had she, ever been married?  What events shaped her life?  Did she have a loved one who died hitting a rock on the road while driving a motor vehicle?  Sadly, I'll never know the answers to those questions.  I feel like I missed an opportunity to know her story.

What did Phyllis have that some people don't have?  Purpose.  She had the satisfaction of helping others avoid an object and possible injury.

What is your story, your purpose?  Perhaps you don't feel like you have much to offer.  When you think that way, remember Phyllis.

(Please hit the pencil icon below and let us know about your story.  Perhaps someone needs to hear from you.) 

Not The Mama!

 

My mother loved the TV show, "Dinosaurs."  It was a show about an everyday dinosaur family made of up costumed characters.  The brother and sister were teenagers.  The baby would usually sit in a high chair.  When addressing his father, he would say, "Not the Mama!"  Mama would be the foundation for the home, and dad was a dufuss.  Do you notice in comedy shows that the father is often portrayed as an appendage to the family, appearing not to know much?  

Men have been taking the wrap for a long time.  First, there was the Women's Lib movement.  Women felt they had to be as good or better as a men.  They were taught that women didn't need a man. Right.

I have the unfortunate situation that my granddaughter and me have birthdays just a few days apart.  My son, her father, told me a few years back, "You know Pop, who is getting the attention in August?  Yep, your granddaughter."  It came as no surprise to me, because I'm not the Mama or Grandma!  By the way, my wife and I own a house.  When my son tells anyone that he is coming over, he says he is going to "Mom's house."  Hello!

I actually don't mind the birthday thing.  If I have to share birthday limelight, I don't mind the other celebrant is my beautiful granddaughter. There has been mostly boys in my family, so we secretly hoped our first grandchild would be a granddaughter.  We got what we hoped for and now she is the "Princess" of the family.  Her younger brother, who was smart to have his birthday in July, is her understudy to royalty.

When in comes to family, we really do need each other!    

THE EXPENSE OF INDEPENDENCE

 

Today is Independence Day, for those living in the United States.    John Adams wanted July 2nd to be the official start of our nation since the Declaration of Independence was ratified on July 2, 1776.  Here is what he said;

“[Independence Day] will be the most memorable Epoch, in the History of America. I am apt to believe that it will be celebrated, by succeeding Generations, as the great anniversary Festival… It ought to be solemnized with Pomp and Parade with shows, Games, Sports, Guns, Bells, Bonfires and Illuminations from one End of this continent to the other from this Time forward forever more,”

 What words come to your mind when you hear, "The Fourth of July?" Fireworks, ice cream, parades, cook outs, etc.  Probably few of us think of "sacrifice."  Yet without it our nation would not have come into existence.  

Someone in our family's past sacrificed for us to have a free America.  Who was it for you?  We are a land of immigrants.  Some, like myself, had people here from the beginning.  My 10th great grandparents came over on the Mayflower in 1620 and my 5th great grandfather William P. Johnston, fought in the Revolutionary War.  Some may be newcomers to our country.  Maybe you are the one who sacrificed for your family.  The problem, it's not a "One-and-Done."  Once our freedoms were established, we have to keep fighting to protect those freedoms.

The Founding Fathers disagreed on many things, but they knew compromises were needed to see the work of freedom happen.  Our nation has revealed growing pains through the years.  With those pains have come division (just look at the Civil War).  Siblings can have some painful fights, but if an outsider threatens, they pull together.  We saw this in most of our wars and even 9/11.  

In 1858 when Abraham Lincoln was running for the U.S. Senate, he gave his "House Divided Speech. In it he said, in part, "A house divided against itself, cannot stand," in reference to Jesus' words in the Bible.

Replica of Lincoln Inaugural Bible, (C) 2024 Wally Johnston

In many ways, we are divided today, at least if you read social media and the news.  Personally, I don't think the division is as bad as it appears, but it is divided.  If the divide gets too large, our "house" will fall.  With that in mind, what are you willing to sacrifice to save this great nation?

IT'S BEEN ONE OF THOSE DAYS

Do you know those kinds of mornings when nothing seems to go right?  Today was my turn!  It was painful.  I got out the door late for a retina exam...no breakfast.  Traffic was terrible so I got there late.  I asked the office person if I had time to go downstairs to get a coffee and grab a bite.  She said, "Possibly."  That's when they came out into the waiting room, "Wally."  I was whisked into a room where they tested my eyesight, and then put in the dilation drops.  I was sent down to a different waiting room.  I waited for a while, then asked the desk person, "Now do you think I have time to go downstairs?"  "Well, you are number two on the list. If you are late we will take the next patient."  I told her, "I'll take my chance."

I get to the coffee shop, and you guessed it.  I had to wait in line.  I  finally ordered a coffee and pastry.  When I took the lid off of the coffee to add cream, it was filled to the BRIM.  I looked up at the barista, and she said, "Just dump some of it in the trash."  I grabbed the cup but the slight squeezing effect spilled hot coffee on the counter AND my hand!  After praying to the Patron Saint of Burns,  I made my way back up six floors.  

When I walked in, a patient asked, "Are you Wally?"  "Yes," I cringed.  "They just called your name," he announced.  Fine.  I had some time to eat.  after a couple of bites, they called me, so I packed up everything and moved to another examining room.  While waiting for the doctor I FINALLY finished my coffee and pastry.  

When the Doc came in, he asked, "How are you doing."  I said, "Fine, but I'll get over it."  He liked that one.  When we were done he said, "Well go out and have a bad day," with a smile.  I told him, "Some people have bad days, I have bad decades."  I left him laughing. He dilated my eyes, took a look, and said, "Looks good."

As I was leaving the office, I thought, "I don't need those little sunshades they give you.  After all, My glasses were photo-grey.  When I hit the outside, I realized I probably should have taken the sunglasses, but hey, I can do this.  I entered the parking structure and questioned myself about what floor my car was parked on.  I wasn't seeing well, so I could not find my car, even while holding my key fob and pressing the alarm button.  

Okay, I made my way back up the sixth floor to the doctor's office and got the sunshade.  I headed downstairs to the lobby.  I told the information person I was having a hard time finding my car.  She said, "I can call security for you." With twenty-six years in law enforcement, I couldn't imagine asking a security officer to drive me around to find my car. Thank God, I am retired!  I told the hostess, "I'll go check again for my car." She replied, "You might miss the security officer."  "I'll take my chances," I replied.  

This time, armed with sunglasses and clearer eyes, I found the car...FINALLY! I did make it back home with minutes to spare before my wife needed the car.  I was exhausted, but thankful to have doctors to take care of me and a car to make it to appointments.  This is especially helpful since most of the names in my directory start with "Dr."

 

Have you had one of those days you would like to share?  Hit to pencil below to place a comment.  It would be nice to know I'm not alone with these kinds of experiences.

ANNOUNCEMENT

 

Meet Cate Arnold

Cate is our first contributing writer (see her story, "Seek to Understand"). Cate comes from a long line of public service, as a volunteer to a city council member, and beyond.  As a breast cancer survivor, she knows the struggles people face, and come out on top.  Cate will be writing an occasional story.  Please comment on her articles so she knows she is hitting a target.

I have known Cate for many years, and I can say, "You are in for a treat!"